I liKe hiM

M Boy!

I must admit to suppressing slight feelings of betrayal as you, my children, grow up at such a rapid pace.

Especially, as you grow from infants to toddlers,

and toddlers to big kids.

I see pictures and I mourn the sweet dimpled hands,

chubby knees,

and the big, round belly that have been replaced by long, lean limbs and

skinny faces.

I suppose by the world’s standards, you are not a baby anymore,

nor a toddler,

but a big. boy.

And that both breaks my heart and fills me with immense pride.

For to love a big kid feels like quite a different thing than to love a little infant baby.

No longer do I get to cradle you day and night, drowning you in affectionate love and kisses.

 

 

I don’t get to have the controlling influence over you that I once possessed,

from morning time

to meal time

to bed time.

Which is hard to think about.

Because I have to exercise immense faith that I have taught and encouraged you enough to make wise decisions and be the sweet, smart, caring boy that you are

now and for the rest of your life,

whether or not I am with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I wouldn’t trade that adorable, toothless grin and those lanky hugs I still receive often

for anything in the world.

I am consumed with joy and pride every time I look at you, and as I watch you succeed in the world,

I remember the words that teary eyed Dad would often utter as he held your infant form in his arms.

“I like him.”

 

I pray for your protection, especially when I cannot be there to offer it.

 

And I always say that everyone needs one of you in their families.

 

I love your tender, pure heart.

I love how you hate getting into trouble.

I love that everyone notices the big kid out on the field and wonders where he came from, especially because he’s such a natural athlete. 

(Guess we’ll have to keep your birth certificate in my purse for quick reference to prove your biological age)

I love that you are an affectionate, sensitive little boy who loves kisses, hugs and snuggling up tight.

I love that you are my oldest, and you made me a mom.

I love your thirst for knowledge.

I love your concern for others and the way you care for your brother and sisters.

I love how socially adept you are.

I love your lisp and the gaps in your mouth, created by all of your missing teeth.

Love, Love your freckled nose and cheeks.

And I love your daily love notes, books, pictures and flowers you give to me.

You have such a huge portion of my heart and I know that I have some of yours as well.

For our bond is so special that I feel it every time I look into your big brown eyes.

 

Every day that I am forced to grant you a little more freedom, I dread the day I ultimately give you and your heart up to someone new for eternity.

So I try not to think about it and will continue taking baby steps. 

For now we will focus on just holding it together while you venture off to first grade in a few months,

and I have to share you even more with the world. 

 

I love you buddy!